A Plan for A Change

I have been inspired!
Last week, a friend suggested that we join a GetFit Bootcamp. I thought she was crazy. It sounded boring, tedious and above all PAINFUL! But I went to the information session anyway, just so that I wouldn't sound like a party pooper.

It was amazing. I was surrounded by 400 people that looked and felt just like I did. Everyone was afraid, hopeful and looking for guidance. Of course, I joined up that evening and have been getting my butt kicked all week!

During my recent efforts to change my lifestyle, I've really started to think. I ate whole foods and drank lots of water, got plenty of rest and exercise during chemo, but why didn't I stick with it after the whole cancer nightmare "went away?" It's common knowledge that diet soda contains carcinogens, why did I revert back to drinking it once I became cancer free? Why did I revert back to fat and sugar after I had heart surgery? I quit smoking after my diagnosis! Why did I make that change and not others?

I guess I can sum it up into one little word. Fear.

I wanted to be "normal" again. I didn't want to admit that I was unhealthy, even with my past history. I didn't want my way of life to be disrupted anymore. I didn't want to admit that more bad things could happen. Losing weight can be uncomfortable. Changing one's perspective can be uncomfortable. I didn't want to experience any more pain than I already had.

Luckily, I have learned an important lesson through all of this. Change doesn't have to be painful. It may be uncomfortable, but it doesn't have to hurt. As my bootcamp leader says, "We want you to be uncomfortable, but we don't want you to be in pain." (I think this sentence is what sold me on the whole program.)

So I'm ready to change. I am changing my diet, my exercise habits and most importantly, my perspective. I'm ready to move forward. I've already made some mistakes, big ones. And I've also learned a lot.

Some little things I learned about change this week:
1. Remember that change can be an uncomfortable process.  Don't give up because things don't "feel" right. Our bodies and minds will adapt.
2. Go easy on yourself. If you make a mistake, move on. Try not to dwell on the past, just move on into the future.
3. We can't force change. Let it happen, gradually, joyfully.
4. Be aware of every moment. By doing this, we can feel ourselves changing, little bit by little bit.
5. Keep a journal. No matter what you are changing, be it diet, exercise, a change of attitude, etc., it is important to record your process in a journal. It will make it so much easier to look back and see how you've changed.
6. State your intentions. Talk about what you want to change with your friends and family. Chances are, they will support you in your efforts. Talking about what you want allows you to visualize the change and opens doors.
7. Rejoice! You have a body and mind that can adapt to change! Adaptation is something that humans do really well, be thankful that you have this opportunity and that you know enough about yourself to be ready to improve.

 So,  I invite you to follow me as I blog. I hope that I can make you laugh. I hope that I can share feelings that you may have. I hope that I won't sound too silly. Most of all, I hope that I can find things that inspire both of us.

Have a wonderful week, and talk to you soon!
Hugs,
Rachael

Gratitude

I was talking to a good friend today, who suggested that I think about all the wonderful things I have going on in my life. So here's a list of what I feel grateful for!
1. I have a great husband and we run a happy home.
2. I have great pets, they are cute, funny and loyal.
3. We are getting ready to move to a wonderful new house!
4. I have many good friends.
5. I have a wonderful sister that makes me laugh every day.
6. I am able to ride horses.
7. I am financially stable.
8. I am healthy and happy.
9. There is pomatini mix in the fridge.
10. My husband is trying to figure out why the blog comments wont' post so I don't have to do it.
I'm very sleepy, so this is hardly a comprehensive list, but it's a start!

Breast Cancer Misfits

I read a great article this week, called "The Breast Cancer Club," by Cris Beam. In the article, Ms. Beam talks about women that don't fit into the typical stereotype of a breast cancer patient. Her description of wig-toting, pink ribbon bearing, coral lipstick wearing, breast flashing women had me smiling as I remembered my own encounters and how hard I tried to fit in with them.
I wrote about the "chemo club" in TGOIF, but although I was able to see a connection with other cancer patients in the supermarket, I never did fit into "The Breast Cancer Club."
I wasn't big on makeup, I didn't mind being bald, and going to support group meetings felt like a waste of time. I mean, who wants to go to spend an hour talking about lop-sided bathing suits bathing suits and how to properly draw on eyebrows when they could be at home, sleeping with Prince Phenergan?
Maybe that's why it's so hard to find a support group that seems to help. As Ms. Beam so eloquently put it, " We've got to talk about more than cancer with cancer. As long as it is held up primarily as a medical and cosmetic condition to overcome - AND THE PSYCHOLOGICAL SCARS ARE DISCUSSED ONLY IN TERMS OF THE PHYSICAL - survivors and their loved ones will suffer."
Very rarely do we talk about the fear, the rage and the loneliness that accompanies cancer. Even more rarely do we allow ourselves to have these feelings.
As I read the article, I began to see just how desparately I want "The Gown Opens in the Front" to reach young breast cancer survivors. Maybe there is someone out there that wants to learn more than how to be just like they were before. Maybe someone out there wants to experience the anger and the fear, which ultimately lead to patience.
What do you think?
a link to the article: www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/breast-cancer-club

A moment of clarity

A good friend gave me a riding lesson on Saturday. We jumped some cross rails, which was a great time! Jordan is a great horse for me to learn on. I'm going to get spoiled, riding a horse that doesn't buck or throw his head up after the fence!
Anyway, after the lesson, said something to me that really hit home. "Rachael, I really think that you still have this vision of you as "Rachael With Cancer." That's finished now, you are strong and healthy and need to see yourself as such. It's time to start living your life."
She was right! I've had so many problems with fear lately, and it's largely due to the fact that I don't have any confidence in myself.
So, Saturday evening I made a promise to myself. No more excuses, no more reasons to fail, I've been giving up before I even try! I've told myself so many times that I can't ride well because they removed some stomach muscle for reconstruction and my core is weak. I also haven't pushed my body because I've been afraid that I can't do it. Even at the gym, I haven't been working hard enough. I also haven't been eating right. All of this because I think I'm going to fail, so what's the point?
This is going to be a very hard habit to break, but I can do it! Let's see how it goes...

April 8, 2010

Today, I'm thinking about fear. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
I am experiencing many fears today. I went to the barn with the intention of hopping Jordan over some fences. I was only able to jump two TINY jumps, before I became so afraid that I couldn't breathe. The horse was perfectly willing to jump and was happy to be working, but I was so paralyzed with fear that I had to stop for the day! I guess the next time we jump, it will be in a lesson with Jen or Sue!
Eric and I are building a new home, and I'm afraid about that. I'm afraid that we could have money problems, or that the old house won't sell.
Also, worst fear--I found a lump a week ago. It's very tiny and right where my mastectomy scar is. I don't want to face this fear. I am going to watch it and see if it stays the same. Eric says it feels like a scar, so I'm sticking with his diagnosis for now. If it changes at all, I'll make an appointment to see Wink.
So, how do I face these fears? What do I do? If I go to see Wink right away, I might be jumping the gun. Besides, I have my five year checkup in a few weeks, so I'll be seeing him soon enough.
I want to know how to face the fear and make it go away.
With the horses, I know that this will get better. I was afraid to even trot my horse 2 months ago, and now I'm ready to start jumping! It is getting better.
With the house, I'm ready to jump in with both feet! The house is going to be absolutely gorgeous, and I'm so ready to leave Covington!
So, I guess that my fears are good things. They will help me to stay safe, to keep an eye out on my health, and make things a little more exciting!
Do any of you guys have any fears? I feel sometimes like I'm the only person on earth that is afraid. How do you fight your fears?
I fight mine with repetition, talking openly, and sometimes, just sitting back and enjoying the ride!

What's new!!!!?????

Well, everything is exciting today! Eric and I just got back from a cruise and I've never had so much fun in my LIFE! what a great time! They even held a breast cancer walk on board. During that time, they allowed us to hand out business cards for the site, so I hope that some new people start to follow the site!
The book is in print, i just got the first 2 copies today! the rest should arrive march 9! how exciting! As soon as i finish typing this, i'm going to go and read my book!

It's starting to happen!

I had a wonderful time talking at Bohecker College today! The students were fun and inquisitive. I had the opportunity to do one in the morning and one in the afternoon, it was great fun. I've decided to make "where's my boob," my motto. I'm gonna find out what happened to those suckers!I had a student ask me today if I named my boobs. The answer is no. Would that help me find them, do you think?